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I Love Love

February 14, 2015

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I don’t hate love just because I’m single on Valentine’s Day. I don’t begrudge those who are blissfully married, and for the record I don’t judge those who elect to celebrate Singles Awareness Day. And I certainly don’t mind if you have chosen to stay home and ignore the hoopla entirely.

I have been in love on Valentine’s Day. I have been out of love. Truth be told, I have been out of love longer than in it.

You would think that I would be content being single by now.

I wish that were fully true. I wish I could say unequivocally that I am happy and fulfilled in my life the way it is and I don’t need anyone else to make it perfect. But mostly I wish that because in so many of the stories I’ve heard about those who found “the one,” it was only after they decided to be ok with just being themselves that they found the person who fully completed them.

My friends, this is something I’m still working on.

I don’t feel guilty for wanting a man in my life, however. I don’t feel guilty for wanting someone to cherish me, just as I cherish him.

But I declare today not to settle for less than the man I deserve. I declare today that I will not allow myself to be less than what I am just to fit in to some stereotyped idea of what a “perfect woman” is.

Because I will not match that expectation, I promise you. I am loud, and I am emotional. I cry at movies, books, and commercials. I pick my nose when I think no one is looking, and I pull out my grey hairs because I don’t want anyone to know I have them. I care deeply about making a good appearance, but I don’t often know or remember proper protocol. I am the opposite of soft spoken, and yet sometimes even my silence will speak louder than your words.

I am not the perfect woman. I will never be the perfect woman. But what I can be is someone who knows herself, and does not allow anyone or anything to get between her and who she is meant to be–even if that “anyone” is me.

Yes, I’ve screwed up, for sure. But to quote from that quintessential ballad of champions: “and bad mistakes, I’ve made a few, I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I’ve come through.”

And I will come through this season. I know it.

Because while I may be regretting the empty bed I will be crawling into tonight, I will not find myself in the morning regretting that I invited someone, anyone, into it just so I didn’t have to be alone.

While I have allowed the voices of bitterness and sorrow to wash over my heart, drawing out tears of loneliness, I will not accept the words of anyone who seeks to build themselves up by breaking me down.

While I have looked in the mirror and cringed, and have vowed to show the world only my best side (from the neck up, if you’re wondering), I will not accept judgement or shame from someone whose unrealistic expectations stem from the ubiquitousness of Photoshop and the natural metabolism of women 15 years younger than me.

While I have a list of attributes about myself I would love to change–I will accept who I am and seek only improvement, not conformity.

While I often feel that I am not good enough, that I make too many mistakes, I will not accept the lie that I am not worthy of love.

And while I often wish I could be different, I will not accept that who I am is not enough.

I am that which God has made me. I am loved by Him–deeply, passionately, fully, no matter the choices and mistakes I make. I am loved when I show up on time and I am loved when I am an hour late. I am loved when I live with integrity and I am loved when I bend the truth out of fear of rejection. I am loved when I eat a salad and I am loved when I reach for a forth piece of pizza. I am loved when I do my best, and I am loved when I fail miserably.

I am not perfect, and I never will be, but I will rest tonight in the arms of One who gave His life for me despite my unworthiness; One who through His death made me worthy of the greatest of all loves.

And, though I am alone in the physical realm, I will find comfort in knowing that the One who is most worthy of my love will never leave nor forsake me. And He knows I am not made to be alone forever. He knows this is but a season, and He knows that moment when I too, will no longer be alone.

It is that assurance which allows me to not be resentful about the pictures I see on Facebook on Valentine’s Day, the check-ins at nice restaurants, the flowers at the office. Because I know that my time will come. And so I will Like your posts now, because I know that I will be slathering my own all over the interwebs some day. And I will be telling my own story of when I finally met “the one.”

Just do this single girl a favor now and then–remind me that I am loved. Remind me that I am lovely. Don’t just promise future happiness, however; help me instead to revel in the happiness of today. And rejoice when I find the one. Because he’s out there. I’m sure of it.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. February 14, 2015 10:13 pm

    Thanks for sharing this!

    Also, Just sending some love to bloggers. Don’t forget you are a beautiful and valuable person. Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂

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