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Observations From Online Dating

March 25, 2011

So I’ve only been in the online dating world for a few weeks, but I have made a few observations in that amount of time:

  1. Everybody likes to travel. I don’t think I’ve read a single profile that says “actually I’d kinda like to never go anywhere.”
  2. Everyone is “4U”. Well thank goodness. If you hadn’t added that to your screen name I’d have thought you were gonna try to sell me some Amway products.
  3. If their screen name says they’re “sexy,” they aren’t.
  4. Only one in 50 overweight people will actually choose that as their body type.
  5. If you’re listed as a Christian, most of the men who pop up in your list of matches will look like dweebs, geeks and losers. Are there seriously no single hot Christian men on dating websi—oh who am I kidding, if they’re hot all they have to do is walk into a church and they’ll be married like *that*
  6. There are some men who think asking you repeatedly to go out with them will actually wear you down until you say yes. (Don’t say yes!)
  7. Always tell a guy who asks you out that you’re busy for at least two weeks. That will weed out the potential ax murderers (They’re very impatient that way). Besides, it’s bad enough that you’re on a dating website on a Friday night. You don’t want them to know that your next three “date nights” are free too.
  8. Don’t trust that what a guy lists as their salary is actually what they make. It’s not like the website is checking their W-2.
  9. Come to terms with the fact that you will skim past people only because of their photo. You just will. They will too. Don’t judge.
  10. It’s easier to block an email address than a phone number, but be careful handing out your email address if your signature has your personal website or blog listed in it (no I haven’t gotten burned on that yet but I’m very careful!)
  11. If someone starts chatting with you and complains that they keep getting blocked by the other people they meet, there’s probably a really good reason why. Be prepared to cut the strings early, or you might end up being their free therapist every time you’re online. Oh hang on, I have to go answer a chat message…
  12. A 94% “match” does not in any way, shape or form guarantee that you’ll find them interesting or attractive at all.
  13. If you’re being super-selective about whom you contact (or respond to), don’t be upset if people don’t respond to you.
  14. A good profile is witty, easy to read, and talks about both what you want from and what you can bring to a relationship.
  15. Be honest about your category qualifications. If you can’t see dating someone younger than you, don’t include a 10-year window on either side of your age. But remember that even if you don’t want to date them, you might be in their window, so you will get messages from people outside your preferences.
  16. Some people are much better photographers than others. Be prepared to look at a lot of self-portraits taken in front of the bathroom mirror.
  17. Getting responses to your messages is a total numbers game. Be prepared to send out 50 messages for every five responses. Just think of it as writing practice.
  18. Remember that if you’re balancing multiple chat windows at the same time, they probably are too. So don’t assume that they’re just sitting around waiting for you to bless them with your thoughts. Unless they’re the person in #11. (and possibly #6)
  19. The person who you think is your perfect match won’t answer your message, but someone whose profile makes you want to dry-heave will give you a compliment that you’ve been craving. Crazy, I know.
  20. Just remember that when it comes down to it, everybody’s just looking for love.
2 Comments leave one →
  1. sherylannleonardblog permalink
    March 25, 2011 11:09 pm

    Love your witty and intelligent observations! Hope you find your winner soon!

    • March 26, 2011 2:02 am

      Thanks Sheryl, me too! But at least I’m glad I’m back out there looking again, even if it is mostly just fodder for my writing. 🙂

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