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Funny First Lines

March 2, 2011

 

This photo has nothing to do with the post. But it's pretty. 🙂

So as I was walking home from work the other day, I began to think about funny first lines to fake biographies/autobiographies. I know, I know, I’m an odd duck. But it is really fun to think about first lines to books–or even the titles, especially if you’re going for silly. So here are some of what I came up with. Feel free to share your own!

First Lines
“Her taste in silver was sterling. Her taste in men was mediocre. Her spelling was abismal.”
“The first thing he always said when he entered a room was ‘there you are!’ which was always a little odd when the room was empty.”
“I would be remiss if I didn’t start by telling you this all a complete fabrication.”
“Her eyes were steely blue, like the color of a knife with a thin layer of mold on it, not unlike the dishes she kept in the sink.”
“His life began at inception.”
“She wasn’t her mother’s favorite, or even her second favorite. No, she was firmly second-to-last out of five.”
“The best place to start this story is at the beginning. I will, however, begin with the tale of how he died.”

Titles
Sorry, I’m Not Listening: Why I Prefer the Sound of My Own Voice
He Wrote at Dawn: Confessions of a Man Who was Afraid of the Dark
Adaptations of a Screen Writer
Four Flights of Stairs: A Stunning Tale of How I Lived For Ten Years Without An Elevator
A Fork in the Road Usually Means there’s a Fast Food Restaurant Nearby
Who Goes There?  The Story of How I Successfully Navigated My Way Through a Crowded Theater in the Dark
That’s What She Said: A Tale of a Poor Misguided Woman with Absolutely No Filter

Whew, that was fun… I might have to do this again! I hope you had fun too, and really, please feel free to share your own!

 

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. March 2, 2011 7:34 am

    That’s awesome! I was thinking so many of those lines would be even funnier as first lines to autobiographies. I wish I could play, I may come back to do so, but I’ve got several pint-sized minions running around my feet and someone has very recently sucked my brains out through my nipples. It is a feat, let me tell you.

    Perhaps that could be my autobiography title: A Life that Was or How My Brains got Sucked out my Nipples

  2. March 2, 2011 8:40 am

    I’ve done this before! Well, I came up with titles, but not first lines. My memoir/autobiography titles was “We Need to Talk About River…Among Other Things.” It’s confusing if you don’t know the story about why River is in there, but it’s something I’m eventually going to post on my blog about. Thanks for sharing. These were so entertaining!

  3. sherylannleonardblog permalink
    March 2, 2011 9:35 am

    Very clever!

  4. March 2, 2011 12:48 pm

    I love these! My sense of humor rarely ever translates to the written word, but these are dry and clever. Do some more!

    • March 2, 2011 11:18 pm

      Aw, thanks Hannah! I had so much fun writing these that I just might have to make it a regular thing. It certainly helps to get the creative juices flowing!

  5. March 4, 2011 8:20 am

    OMG LOL at all of these! When I read the abismal spelling line it reminded me of a resume I once saw where the hopeful applicant mentioned that he had great attention to detial.

    Love your intelligent wit!

    • March 4, 2011 2:57 pm

      Thanks!! That’s awesome for a resume to have that mistake. You do feel badly for them though. 🙂

  6. March 19, 2011 5:26 pm

    Love ’em all! But I’m too tired from work to come up with any of my own, boooo. To add to the terrible resume spelling mistakes, however, I’m totally ashamed to say I once sent out a cover letter stating that I was great at ‘composting’ headlines. Oops.

    Saw you on SITS!

    • March 19, 2011 5:39 pm

      Oh no! Don’t you hate how spell check doesn’t catch mistakes as long as they’re still a word? Sigh.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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